public humiliation uncontest. oh dear.

| Monday, September 27, 2010
Today's Tune: Lovefool

First: Oh hey, have you heard I'm hosting an INCREDIBLY AWESOME BLOGFEST? With prizes? And that there are only a few more days to enter and you totally should because it will be SO MUCH FUN? Oh you have? FABULOUS. Moving on.

If you haven't heard, Le R is having a
Public Humiliation Uncontest today. The drill: post deeply embarrassing excerpts from your childhood journals. OH GOD WHY DID I AGREE TO DO THIS.

I was unfortunately unable to find anything from my journals before the age of 13, but my 13-year old self was full of such DEEP THOUGHTS that I definitely found them worth sharing. So OH BOY ARE YOU IN FOR A TREAT TODAY. Punctuation, spelling, and emphasis have been left intact. Names have been removed to protect what is left of my modesty.


***

7-13-97

Dear Diary,

Sup! Not much has happened since last time, but I just thought I’d check in! I don’t want you to have to go unwritten in until something exciting happens in my life (which won’t be for quite a while). I can’t believe I’m out of [jr. high school] and almost a HIGH SCHOOLER already! That went SO FAST!!! I seriously doubt that G will even call me this summer, so I’d better find something else to think about. I’m gonna have surfing lessons! That is so neat! Then I’ll be able to surf in the summer and snowboard in the winter! (I forgot to tell you that I learned how to snowboard last winter!) Well, gotta go. I have some killer ideas for my story!

XOXO,
Stephanie

***

Yes, I was already writing a "novel" at the tender age of 13. Would you like to see an excerpt? OF COURSE YOU WOULD.

***

A full moon shines down upon the Forest of Color, its silver light illuminating the reds, blues, purples and greens of the trees, colors of the rainbow dimmed by twilight. Mt. Majic rises above the Plains of Plenty as if proud, its snow-capped peak glistening with a glowing white light that shines through the mist. A hundred thousand stars shine above in the crystal-clear air, like priceless diamonds, waiting to be plucked from the heavens above the land of Zingawai.

All is quiet; most of the forest and field creatures are asleep. An occasional nocturnal rodent of some sort scurries among the tall, golden grass, searching for opine nuts and regal berries. From the forest comes a quick, silver movement. A creature of majestic beauty steps cautiously out of the shadows, his cloven hooves choosing his steps carefully. A single white horn spurts from his brow, glowing with a gentle gold light. A silver mane tumbles down to his back, and smells of lilac and roses, probably because he has many of these flowers woven into his silky hair. A tail resembling that of a lion twitches nervously.

***

CRINGE. I mean, not terrible considering I wrote this at 13, BUT CRINGE.

But this part made me LOL for serious.

***

As Chris approaches him, he bends just to her eye level and says with a smart smile, “Look, sweetling, no offense intended, but you’re not someone that people envision as saving the world or anything.”

It is now Chris’s turn to break into and amused smile. She looks at Kam and says sweetly, “You haven’t ever seen an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, have you?” She pulls back her right hand and hits him, hard. Her fist connects with his face just below his right eye. The blow takes him totally by surprise. In all his life, he had never seen a girl hurt anything, let alone himself. Not even his sisters or mother had ever laid a finger on him.

***

THAT'S RIGHT, FEMINIST FROM AGE 13. WHAT. I mean, it's absolutely awful that I'm 1.) citing pop culture and 2.) using violence as a means to convey female power, BUT DUDE.

Okay okay, enough fiction. How about another journal entry?

***

In ethics today we were doing ethical dillemas, and one of the one's we did was: If you and someone you love deeply were put in two seperate rooms with only a button in the room, then told that you would both die within 60 minutes unless one of you pushed the button (if you push the button, you die instantly, but the other person lives), what would you do? Well, I said I'd totally push the button. I wouldn't even think about sacrificing my life for someone I love. Yes, I would be all distraught about having to DIE and everything, but it wouldn't even be a question. I love other people THAT much. I would even sacrifice my life for that stud that I'm in love with and have yet to name, and I would bet everything I own that he wouldn't for me.

***

I love other people THAT much, guys. LOOK AT ME I WAS SO SELFLESS. "That stud" OMG. And the idea of dying is like, totally distressing. Totally. Also, yes, I took philosophy and ethics. They offered it at my high school. I WAS VERY VERY DEEP.

Okay, how about some angsty poetry/lyrics? I promise I'll stop after this.


***

This world’s full of webs and lies
It’s trapping me inside
These frozen bars that hold me in
I can feel the ice against my skin
My heart aches to beat
The ground shudders beneath my feet
My tears blur my eyes as they fall
Burning a hole through it all…

When my heart is unclothed
And I’m bearing my soul
Night threatens to swallow me whole
Frightened as a newborn foal
Raise me into a stallion
So I can run away, run away…

I’m walking on a razor blade
I try hard not to fade
Staying true to what’s inside of me
No idea what I want to be
Should I try for love, try for fame
Go for it all, or go insane?

Screaming out from where I stand
No one can navigate this lost land
Put your best foot forward, they all say
But what if it slips and I lose my way?
Just like always, like I always do
I am such a fool…

And I stand naked, no shield for me
Wicked eyes prying away at me
Tearing at my heart and soul
Frightened as a newborn foal…

Raise me into a stallion
So I can run away, run away…

Run away…


***

There you go. The shame of my youth. Bask in it.

19 comments:

{ Meredith } at: September 27, 2010 at 8:14 AM said...

This is so cute! I love the excerpt from your novel where she smacks him. You had such a big vocabulary at 13!

{ aspiring_x } at: September 27, 2010 at 8:31 AM said...

so much fun!
but for a second, i thought she punched THE UNICORN!!! i was like DUDE! why are you punching a UNICORN! then i was like- oh. :)
very cute stuff! and definitely not terrible for 13!!!

{ Old Kitty } at: September 27, 2010 at 8:58 AM said...

Awwwww!!! These are really sweet extracts and look at your poem!! Awwww! So cute!! :-)

The ethical dilemma is horrible. What a question!

Thanks for sharing

take care
x

{ Mia } at: September 27, 2010 at 9:15 AM said...

These are WONDERFUL. Really. That poetry is SO SO much better than stuff I try now. I am NO poet.

And such descriptive writing! I was very not good at 13. Most of the time I skimmed on details.

{ Steph Sinkhorn } at: September 27, 2010 at 9:39 AM said...

LOL thanks, guys. I'm glad you think I'm adorable. I'm over here cringing with my hands over my face XD

{ Laurel } at: September 27, 2010 at 9:59 AM said...

Awesomesauce! A UNICORN!!!!

In all seriousness, that's pretty damn good for thirteen. I've seen much worse from adults who've been "honing their craft" for years.

And thank you so so so much for the poem. That is a treasure.

{ Laura Maylene } at: September 27, 2010 at 10:56 AM said...

I am speechless. SPEECHLESS! So amazing. And I think we might be long-lost twins or something. The feminism, the smug "I'm SO selfless" thing going on...good times.

I bow down before your unicorn description.

{ J. A. Platt } at: September 27, 2010 at 11:28 AM said...

I have to agree that this is adorable. I loved, A single white horn spurts from his brow, and now imagine unicorns having retractable horns that make a wet sort of (spurting) sound when they come out.

{ maine character } at: September 27, 2010 at 11:56 AM said...

I had to laugh at "Mt. Majic and the Plains of Plenty" and the Buffy line.

But as you say, for 13? Not bad at all.

And also, those lyrics – I get why you posted them, but really, you could cut two verses and it’d be a fine thing to yell in front of a band.

{ Lisa Potts } at: September 27, 2010 at 12:24 PM said...

Ooh, SO angsty. It's a miracle any of us survived the torment that was life and made it to adulthood.

{ Lydia Sharp } at: September 27, 2010 at 12:37 PM said...

Nice!

{ Claudie A. } at: September 27, 2010 at 2:02 PM said...

I think everything in here is absolutely adorable. And I agree with everyone: for a 13-year-old girl, you were already quite good!

If we're to trust your first diary entry, you were also in love with exclamation points. ^^

{ Elizabeth Poole } at: September 27, 2010 at 2:05 PM said...

This was great! I like how you weren't going to wait to write about something exciting, because you knew nothing exciting was going to happen for a while. It sounded like you had this on good authority. :D

{ Joann Swanson } at: September 27, 2010 at 3:45 PM said...

SO, so, so, so awesome! If I'm ever in a room with a killer button, I want you there with me! SO SELFLESS!!

{ The Rejectionist } at: September 27, 2010 at 4:33 PM said...

'Sup!!! ADORBS

{ Vicki Rocho } at: September 27, 2010 at 7:40 PM said...

I love these entries! I'd push the button too...

{ Christi Goddard } at: September 27, 2010 at 7:52 PM said...

I had the random thought to post my 12-13 year old journaling self, but wow. Seriously. WOW. How I survived, I have no idea.

"Met Ron. I love him."
"Ron's a douche. Met Royce. I love him."
"Forget Royce. Met Danny. I love him."

DAILY entries like that. So embarrassingly pathetic. And there's no force in the world strong enough to persuade me to share any of the so-called 'poetry' I wrote in that heinous little book/shrine to my stupidity.

{ Elena Solodow } at: September 27, 2010 at 8:25 PM said...

Any Buffy reference is okay with me!

And this line:

"An occasional nocturnal rodent of some sort"

I appreciate the fact that when it comes to rodents, you didn't want to commit to anything.

{ Emily White } at: September 28, 2010 at 3:53 PM said...

Aww! This was cute! :D

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